Who wants a hot date?

Something has been weighing on me for days. I can’t for the life of me figure out how to resolve it. I’ve taken a variety of approaches in dealing with it, but nothing seems to be working. I need help.

Behold, my albatross:

I bought these on Sunday. I thought they would be a good addition to my kids’ lunch boxes. They looked kind of like candy and were sweet, but since they’re only made of dates and coconut, they’re healthy too. I mean, they’re called “delights.” In the words of Ina Garten, “How bad could that be?”

I was so excited to pack them up the next day and I announced to my kids that I had bought something “very special” for their lunches. They came running into the kitchen with huge smiles on their faces. Then they looked at the container and read the label.

My friends, it was on that night that I saw the face of unadulterated despair (actually two faces), and it is burned into my brain forevermore. Nevertheless, I told my kids to give the Natural Delights a chance and taste them because they were really, really good and like candy. Kid #1 fell for it. Kid #2 would only allow it if I sliced off a minuscule piece from the whole. They popped them into their mouths.

Me: “See, they’re good!” (I have never in my life tried a Natural Delight and don’t care for dates, but my kids didn’t need to know that.)

Kid #1: “Um, no, they’re actually terrible.”

Kid #2: (turning green) “Yuck.” (I don’t think he actually ingested any part of the minuscule piece, but I can’t prove anything. Kid #2 is really crafty.)

Me: “Oh come on, they can’t be that bad.” (Then, to my husband) “Come over here and try one of these. They’re delicious!”

My husband: “No way. I’m not eating that.”

So, fine. Nobody wanted to eat them. I couldn’t eat them myself because of my aversion to dates. Over the next few days, the container sat and sat and sat. I tried to convince my kids to try them again, but it was a no go.

Yesterday I asked my husband to bring them into work. He refused. I think his exact words were, “No one’s going to eat those. Gross.”

I asked my kids this morning if they could bring them to school and put the entire container on the “share table” at lunch. They said no because the package was already open and things for the share table need to be sealed. Well played.

I had no idea what to do with my Natural Delights. I CANNOT throw them into the garbage. First, they were expensive, and second, I’m not throwing perfectly good food away. I was at my wit’s end.

But then I realized something: I have a blog! And through that blog I can reach people! People who like date rolls! So if you live near me and would like this container of Natural Delights, it is all yours. It deserves a good home with people who don’t berate it on a daily basis.