Home sweet home

Back in the day, I was a HUGE X-Files fan. That is until I saw one particular episode called “Home,” and then I went off it completely. Cold turkey. No going back.

For those of you who didn’t catch that one, here’s the gist: These three brothers whose last name is Peacock live in this creepy old house. A deformed baby is found buried nearby, and Scully and Mulder are called in to see what’s up. The sheriff of the town, which is aptly named Home, implies that the Peacock family has been inbreeding for years, but there are only three brothers (who are deformed themselves) and no women living in the house. So, it’s hypothesized that the brothers have kidnapped a random woman, impregnated her, and, when she gave birth, buried the baby.

Well, it turns out that the brothers did not in fact kidnap a random woman and impregnate her. They are actually “breeding” with THEIR OWN MOTHER. Who has NO ARMS OR LEGS. Who also LIVES ON A SLED UNDERNEATH THE BED. I have tried my whole life to block out the scene in which this woman is discovered–where Scully and Mulder roll her out on her sled from under the bed–and it has HAUNTED me.

I believe two of the brothers were killed but the third one escaped with the mother. They were off to start a new inbred Peacock family together. The details are fuzzy because by the time I got to the end of the episode, I was pretty much curled up in a fetal position on the floor, rocking back and forth and weeping softly.

That was the last X-Files episode I watched until last year, when Fox rebooted the series and I figured since I was a grown up now, I might be able to handle it better. I got hooked, and now that a new season just started, I am similarly hooked. (Note: I will only watch episodes during the daytime hours. Shh, it’s a secret.)

So today I watched one of the most recent episodes, which had this amazing actress in it named Karin Konoval. She played twins, one of whom was a woman while the other one was a man, and she was fantastic. I only know her name because I Googled her and during my important research stumbled upon the fact that she portrayed Mrs. Peacock (legless! Armless! Lives on a sled under the bed!) all those years ago.

I found her on Twitter and decided I needed to write to her directly. I tweeted to her:

“You traumatized 12-year-old me in the Home episode of #TheXFiles but I finally forgive you after watching you as Judy/Chuck. You made me positively giddy with your awesomeness.”

I have to admit — I did this more for me than for her because I needed some closure from all that trauma she stirred up. I guess I needed to show myself that she was, after all, just acting and there was no armless, legless woman living on a sled under a bed in real life. At least I don’t think there is.

I sent the tweet and was about to x out of my research on her when I noticed something: The Home episode premiered in 1996. It got me to thinking. I was not, in fact, 12 years old as I initially recalled. I wasn’t 11 or even 13.

I WAS 20 YEARS OLD.

It appears that I was actually an adult at the time of that episode’s viewing and it also appears that I was a complete sissy.

In my defense, though, Fox never re-aired the episode because it was so insane and freaked people out so much. It wasn’t just me. But I can no longer use my age as a defense. I mean, I must have watched it in my dorm room in college. My memory is completely faulty, and I’m told as you age, that’s the second thing to go. I can’t remember the first. *Ba-dum tsssss.*